kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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