Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
