Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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