Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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