If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
