I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
