can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
