dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
