Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
