i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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