Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
