i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
