Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why didn't you poke me back
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
