I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
