He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
