Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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