Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
