I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sext me about skeletons
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
