ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
