I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
