Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
