No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
