the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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