just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
