i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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