OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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