I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
