I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
