this beer tastes like vomit already
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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