32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
