im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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