I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
