come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
