went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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