Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
