Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
