I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
