I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
