And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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