The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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