Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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