The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
