So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
