oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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