Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
