Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
