im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
