we're chasing vodka with high fives
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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