hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
