Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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