he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
